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As a college ministry leader, multiple times each week I’ll meet up with a student (and if often includes coffee). Sometimes students come to me with questions about the age of the earth or the sanctity of life or Jesus being the only way to the Father. These kinds of questions might fall into a religious studies category. But sometimes they ask for advice/help concerning more personal issues.
Questions about relationship issues with a roommate or significant other, pornography addiction, poor grades, loneliness, etc…
[su_quote]I like to solve problems. Who doesn’t?[/su_quote]
And I’ve discovered something: I like to solve problems. Who doesn’t? Unfortunately, this can lead to rushing to giving advice, and in the process not connecting with the person well and/or not fully understanding what they’re asking. The good news is I’ve learned to slow things down. Here are a few things that have helped me; maybe they’ll benefit you too!
First, Listen
When we listen, we focus on them. It’s not about us solving a problem. It’s about seeing them walk in health and freedom!
When we listen, we affirm that they have value. That their experience is a real one, and we care about them.
When we listen, we catch details that otherwise we may have assumed incorrectly. (We all know what assuming does, right?)
When we listen, not only do we ultimately get to offer the person better advice, but we grow closer to them in the process.
Second, Pray for wisdom
Now, I often bookend these conversation with prayer—it’s a great way to begin and end! However, I’ve learned to explicitly pray after listening for a while. And I straight up tell the student why. It’ll go something like this:
[su_quote]I’m so glad you’re sharing this with me. This is very difficult; I’m sorry. But I believe that God wants to bring healing and wisdom to you today. In a moment we’ll look to Scripture for guidance, but let’s pray first. Let’s pray for wisdom; God can speak to us right now. James chapter one says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”[/su_quote]
And then I lead in prayer.
When we pause to pray for wisdom, we show that the answer ultimately is Jesus—not us.
When we pause to pray for wisdom, we model a good posture for the student and prepare them for the future.
When we pause to pray for wisdom, we purposely give the Holy Spirit room to direct us.
Third, Simple
(Note: if someone is experiencing possible psychological issues, please get others with more experience involved. Consult your pastor. It might even be appropriate to get a campus counselor or even an outside clinical counselor involved.)
Wow, sometimes everything is out of order. And my natural instinct is to try to fix everything! I want to say:
First, study a, b, and c. Next, stop doing x, y, z. Oh, and every morning read a chapter of John. And you don’t spend any time with other believers, so you should join this small group, and make sure you eat a meal or two each week with some other Christians. Oh, and forgive your dad. And don’t be afraid of such and such, you’re a child of God. And…
Don’t do this!
God is patient with us. Let us be patient as He is. He doesn’t clobber us over the head with a fix for all of our problems the minute we put our faith in Jesus!
[su_quote]God is patient with us. Let us be patient as He is.[/su_quote]
Baby steps!
When I give counsel, I try to include just a couple simple steps. A verse to meditate upon, maybe a priority change or two, and something to pray about for a few days. Then you can meet again for followup.
Ultimately, point them toward Jesus. After all, He’s the answer, right?
photo credit: What a beautiful friend. via photopin (license)
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