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Hi there! My name is Ryan Raflowski and I will be a monthly contributor to the blog starting here on out. I am looking forward to sharing practical strategies and helpful tips to further the kingdom of God in your ministry. I am also looking forward to writing my thoughts down in a conversational style. I usually have to write in technical terms for the work that I do, but on here I can use contractions—I love it!! Anyways, I am here and I am happy to serve you in this way. I hope you find the following post enlightening and useful to the work that you do.
-Ryan
As I reflect on my college experience, I can easily recognize that I needed some guidance. As a college freshman, I made a plethora of bad choices. I wasn’t a Christian, so you can imagine what these choices may have looked like. However, even after I committed my life to Christ, I struggled to make good decisions and often wondered how to discern the good from the bad. I don’t mean just in a moral sense, but also in what God’s plan and purposes for my life were. I had a number of questions such as:
- “What kind of job do I want to get?”
- “How do I live like a man of God?”
- “Why don’t I always feel ‘on fire’ for God?”
- “How do I handle complicated family situations in a godly way?”
- “Where is God taking me in life?”
I hope that you can imagine that these questions, while they may seem far from your current thoughts or concerns, can dominate the mind of a young college student. Part of the reason that I enjoy working with college-age men and women is because I believe it to be a pivotal time in a person’s development. I believe it to be significant because many life-altering decisions are made during this time period. It is often a time when young people decide what is most valuable in life or even what kind of person they wish to be.
Admittedly, I shudder whenever I think back to this time in my own life. It’s super stressful and we can often second-guess many decisions that were made (though we all know to trust God and His overwhelming grace over our lives). But there is one thing that I can say made a positive impact on these stressful times of my life—the presence of a loving and insightful mentor. I had a mentor that I could come to in times of personal crisis or even with tough questions I had about God and life in general. My mentor acted as a sounding board in my life and, thankfully, always pointed me back to the grace and faithfulness of our loving God.
There are many contexts in which we are discipled as Christians—the Church, our Christian communities & gatherings, small groups, and in our private devotions with God. In all of these settings we are learning to trust and follow Jesus more and more. But I believe there is another discipleship context that has power and impact—mentoring relationships. It is within this context that we have the most vulnerable and open interactions with another. It is centered around a close bond and discipleship within this context focuses on intimacy, openness, and impact.
We all know that Jesus chose twelve men as his primary disciples. But then among the twelve, he chose three—Peter, James, and John—and gave them an extra measure of his time and attention. He revealed himself to them in ways the others did not see or experience such as the raising of Jairus’s daughter from the dead (Mark 5:37-43) and at the healing of Peter’s mother-in-law (Mark 1:29-31). Further, the Gospels show us that Jesus seems to have had an especially close and intimate friendship with Peter. Peter, of course, was the one who walked on water in the storm and who confessed Jesus as the Christ.
As you can see, even Jesus chose a few select to give more individualized attention to. There are other examples of discipleship through mentoring that can be found in Scripture, as Paul discipled Timothy and so on. In 2 Timothy 3:10-12, Paul describes the up close and personal nature of this kind of discipling relationship: “You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings […]” Paul speaks of his teaching, his way of life, and his life’s purpose. Paul didn’t just share information with Timothy, but personal information as well. This is what Paul refers to when he told the Corinthians, “Therefore I urge you to imitate me” (1 Corinthians 4:16). It is life impartation, or life-on-life discipleship that discipleship through mentoring is all about. There is power in life-on-life relationships within the context of discipleship.
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I hope that you are starting to feel God’s call to mentor a young person so that they may learn to trust and follow Jesus in a deeper way. As I mentioned earlier, your goals in this mentoring relationship should be:
1) Intimacy
Yes, we should impart knowledge to those we disciple. It’d be silly not to give a little bit of wisdom here or there. But a strictly educational approach doesn’t describe the discipleship method of either Jesus or Paul. One word does—intimacy. Intimacy means that we live with vulnerability. We should share our lives with mentees in a way that we have no façades or appearances. Mentees should be able to look at our lives as if looking at a fish within a fish bowl. This is because the only way to grow deeper is by being open and vulnerable—with a select few individuals in the context of mutual love, respect, and trust. Keep in mind that, while Jesus never sinned, he did experience pain and disappointment. He let his close-knit disciples see these struggles.
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2) Openness
Jesus’ disciples felt free to be themselves around Him. They were comfortable asking bold questions about their standing with Him. Jesus’ disciples felt comfortable enough to express their true desires, even if they were under-informed! If trust is a two-sided coin, the two sides of the coin are openness and authenticity. With one but not the other, you cannot have a trusting relationship. You can be open with someone, but if you are not authentic in your interactions with them, trust will not characterize your relationship. While these two elements of trust are present in all levels of relationship, they are vital in the intimate context of a mentoring relationship.
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3) Impact
Discipleship is helping people trust and follow Jesus as Lord, and it requires that we both understand the truth and obey it. What we know matters only if it translates into how we live. As a mentor, it is our job to create a lasting impact in our mentees. We must not only encourage them in their faith but challenge them to live deeply and authentically in Christ. Much of this happens through the renewing of the mind. A renewed mind leads to a changed life and to know what pleases God on a “heart-level.” Knowledge is not the end or primary focus of discipleship, but it still is vitally important.
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Perhaps you are wondering…who? Who can you disciple and mentor? Here are a few vital questions that will help you select someone to mentor and disciple:
With whom could I form a discipling relationship?
Look for relationships that seem to have good interaction, even good chemistry.
Who is receptive to me?
Who easily listens to me and shows interest in what I have to say about the things of Jesus? In whose ears are your words big?
Who is a good investment?
Is the person you are thinking of available, faithful, teachable, and reliable? This kind of person makes your investment of time and friendship a good and wise one.
Is God in it?
Do you feel God nudging you toward anyone in particular? Do you naturally have a sense that God might be leading you to someone?
I hope you feel inspired to mentor someone within your ministry. Perhaps even one of your student leaders! They play an important role in your ministry and can use your support and guidance. As someone who received this type of support, I can confidently say that it makes a difference in the kingdom of God.
Many of these ideas are not my own. I’ve shared them from a great book called Discipleship that Fits: The Five Kinds of Relationships God Uses to Help Us Grow by Bobby Harrington and Alex Absalom.
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