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Yes, this is yet another blog post about millennials, because I felt like there wasn’t enough online about this topic already. All kidding aside, there’s been a lot of talk about this age group over the last decade. Unfortunately, much of the conversation has portrayed millennials in a negative way, but I believe this generation has many amazing qualities to offer to the world, and especially to the church.
A couple months ago an article titled 10 Things You Won’t Find In A Church That Attracts Millennials blew up on social media and our staff has been having some great conversations surrounding this topic. The author brings up a lot of relevant issues that drive millennials away from church, but before anyone jumps to thinking millennials are entitled and want people to change everything just for them (which happens all too often when we’re talking about millennials), I would argue that many of the points he makes would drive anyone away from a church, not just millennials.
We shouldn’t be focusing all of our attention on millennials out of frustration, but rather because we believe that reaching the next generation is vitally important to the health of the church. Eighteen to twenty-four year olds are the biggest missing age group in the church and, unlike in the past, many are not coming back once they get married and start a family.
We must try to win millennials to the Gospel or else the American church will look drastically different (and much smaller) soon. Just as past generations have had to sacrifice in order to reach the next generation, it is critical for us to put our own preferences aside to win millennials to Christ.
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Because this is a blog for campus ministry and our target audience is millennials, I think this is a vital conversation for us to have and to bring to our church leaders. One of the biggest themes that has come up in our conversations as staff is that those of us in campus ministry are in a strategic position to bridge the gap between millennials and older church leaders. Campus ministers and student leaders can be the ones who bridge the divide between millennials and the church.
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This won’t be an easy task, but it is a worthwhile one. So, what are some ways that we can facilitate discussion between millennials and older church leaders?
Pray for constructive dialogue
The overwhelming amount of discussion about millennials over the years has largely caused the damaging divide that we see today. I hear it in conversations with church leaders. I see it when I speak with young adults and they are hesitant to get involved in their church. I even observe it when I read articles on popular websites geared at millennials, like Buzzfeed.
Before trying to get the two sides together over coffee or a meal, pray that God will bless this effort and speak to everyone involved. Pray that all the generations will be able to put aside their differences and value one another. And then when you get together open with prayer too. Prayer can overpower even the most stubborn and defensive heart.
Remove assumptions
Older leaders often assume that millennials possess all the qualities they’ve been told of them (self-centered, lazy, slow to mature, etc.). More than likely, if a millennial exhibits these qualities it’s because someone in the older generation hasn’t done a good job of raising them and showing them a better way.
In the same way, millennials often assume that older leaders are the opposite of what they want in life (resistant to change, care more about their own lives than changing others’, closed off, etc.). It’s common that millennials feel this way because often they haven’t actually had in-depth conversations with any people in the generations above them.
There are assumptions made by members on both sides of the age gap. If we want to have healthy discussion about the future of the church, then we must set aside assumptions when we come to the table.
Really listen and learn
I’ve heard people say that they want to listen to the other side with an open mind, but once they sit down and begin to hear what the other has to say they become closed off and uncompromising. Often when I listen to someone I find myself formulating my response before they have finished talking. I can be so self-absorbed that I’m not focusing on what they have to say, but rather making sure I can communicate my opinion on the matter. This isn’t effective listening. That kind of listening leads to frustration and a breakdown in communication instead of learning and growth.
I’ve learned that if my immediate response to someone is to say “yeah, but…”, then I haven’t truly listened with the intent to learn from that person. In order to see the need for change and then affect the right change, it requires that we really listen to one another with the intent to learn.
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This requires the kind of humility that James spoke about when he encouraged us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19). We’re all much better off when we realize that none of us sees the whole picture by ourselves. We need each other. The older generation needs the perspective of millennials, and millennials need the wisdom that baby boomers possess.
Be open to unexpected outcomes
Hopefully by now you see the value and importance of starting a conversation that involves your church leaders and young adults, but it’s easy for everyone involved to have their own expected outcome as to how this will all shake out. Have you ever gone into a situation with a certain outcome in mind only to have something totally different happen?
I can’t tell you how many times my wife and I have gone to an event each with our own idea in mind of when we would go home. She’s an introvert and I’m an extrovert, so I almost always want to stay longer than she would like. When we didn’t vocalize our expected outcomes ahead of time it led to a lot of frustration on both of our parts. I’ve even heard of some couples who drive to events separately to avoid this very conflict!
When we bring these groups to the table we need to be open to the idea that the outcome may be very different from what we expected. It may result in arguing and frustration that you weren’t expecting. My hope is that it results in effective change. But those changes may be different than what you expected, especially if people are choosing to remove assumptions and really listen and learn from one another.
If we aren’t open to unexpected outcomes it can be easy to shut down new ideas. When we are open to unexpected outcomes it allows us to see things we may have otherwise missed.
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I hope you see the opportunity you have here. You are in a strategic position to help young people and the church move forward in a way that brings more people to Jesus. That is at the heart of why we do what we do and it’s of the utmost importance.
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