I’m really excited to kick off a new series on the blog for the month of June! You probably know at least one person who was active in ministry, had a heart that really wanted to serve the Lord and then very quickly (or so it seemed) had an issue come up that completely derailed them and took them out of ministry – in some cases never to be seen or heard from again. Each week one of our writers will talk about a topic that we’ve seen can quickly distract and change the course of ministers with the best intentions. We’re calling these the Enemies of Ministry.
Some of the enemies of ministry are pretty obvious – things like addictions, bad habits, violent tempers and problems with interacting with people, etc. – but many of them are more subtle. Most of what we’re going to cover in these posts are of the more subtle variety and this week I wanted to cover holding onto an offense.
This post is going to be much longer than what I normally write, but I felt it was important to really cover this topic thoroughly and share my experience.
I started working for BASIC back in 2009 and was promoted to Assistant Director at the end of 2011. Last year I found out that the Executive Director was stepping down from his position and moving on to other things. While it wasn’t a guarantee, my first inclination was that I would get the position. After all, I was the assistant director and had worked very closely with this person since he started working at BASIC. I had dreams as to what I would do with the organization and how I would put my own stamp on things.
Pretty quickly I realized that there would be one other person interviewing for the position as well (one of my coworkers) and that the board was going to open up the position to people outside of the current staff as well.
From the beginning, I knew there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be the person to get the position, but it was still very hard to guard my heart throughout the process. There were many nights of long prayers and intense conversations with my wife. As the process continued and I sought the Lord about what would happen I decided in my heart that I should stay working at BASIC no matter what happened. It was clear to me that this was where God wanted me for this season.
After a month or so the board of directors sat me down and told me that they had chosen to give the position to my coworker instead of me. Essentially, he had jumped me in the chain of command going from being someone who reported to me to being someone who I now report to. That was a tough pill to swallow, but I knew through this that my integrity was being tested.
Now you may not be able to directly relate to this situation, but I’m sure you’ve encountered a time when someone offended you in the past. It’s bound to happen, but the key is in how you respond. I’m sure you have felt the way I did after this happened. It felt like I had been passed over. At times I wondered why I wasn’t “good enough” for the job. I questioned my purpose and if I was going in the right direction and giving my energy to the right things. Have you ever been there? At this point I had a choice to make. Would I choose to be offended by the people who had made the decision or would I let it go and move forward?
The only way that I could get through this and choose not to hold onto an offense was through consistent prayer and listening to the voice of God.
Since this time I’ve learned so much about who I am and how God sees me. I also have a great relationship with the guy who ended up becoming the executive director and we work really well together. In fact, I know now that God has used this time to mature me, grow me and make me a better leader than I ever could have been without going through this. Here’s just some of what I have learned.
I am not entitled to anything. (more on this next week)
I’m reminded of the old worship song “Blessed Be Your Name.” It’s true that God gives and God takes away. I had to choose to worship God through this and trust that He knew what was best for me.
Nothing is a guarantee, but no matter what happens God is sovereign.
I thought it was almost a guarantee that I would get this position, but God had other plans. I could have chosen to run from the situation, but I heard God tell me I was supposed to stay. Not only was I supposed to be alright with not getting the position, but then I had to stay and face people every day who knew I didn’t get it?!? Like I said, this was clearly a test of my integrity and I chose to trust God’s sovereignty and what He had told me over what my emotions were telling me.
You choose to either get angry at the people/situation or learn from it.
When this happened instead of turning inward, I decided to reach out. I asked a couple leaders I knew to mentor me. I tried to learn all I could from them and soak in their wisdom. I don’t know that I would have done that if I hadn’t gone through this. I probably would have been so consumed with trying to run BASIC in my new position that I wouldn’t have had time for it or seen the value in it.
The people you surround yourself with can make or break you.
The main people that I was talking with throughout this time were people that spoke encouragement and positive things in my life. When you’re faced with a choice as to whether you will take up an offense or not it’s so important that the counsel you are listening to is building you up (and the other people involved) and speaking life into the situation instead of negativity and division.
People are watching you closely during this process.
We are always being watched by someone, but in a situation like this I think people are paying even closer attention. They want to know how you will get through something like this. Your response affects your reputation. I knew that I wanted to be in ministry for the long term and that by taking on an offense and responding negatively it could affect the course of my ministry, career and ultimately my whole life. Pride is not becoming and neither is bitterness. Both of these can very easily creep in at times like this.
There’s no doubt in my mind that I could be on a completely different track if I hadn’t responded the way I did. I’m glad that God spoke to me throughout that time and showed me how to follow His leading. He was so gentle and loving with me and now I’m more blessed than I’ve ever been because of it!
So, how do you know if you are in danger of holding onto an offense? Here are some warning signs.
- You often think thoughts like, “Why is this happening to me?” or “How could I have been overlooked?”
- Your mind dwells on negative thoughts much more than positive ones and/or you have trouble quickly dismissing negative thoughts. Most of the time these negative thoughts will be directed at one person or a group of people.
- When a situation arises you look to people to give you answers much more then you look to God or, even worse, completely isolate yourself.
- Instead of asking what you can learn in this time you blame others.
- You begin to ask questions of God like, “How could You do this to me?” or “Why aren’t You working in my favor?” There’s nothing wrong with asking questions of God in times like these, but at the end of the day you should still be able to come to the conclusion that God loves you and you can trust Him.
- People around you try to say things to warn you, but you just brush them off or determine that they don’t know what you’re really going through.
- You let your emotions begin to control you more and more to the point where you have trouble stepping back and looking at your situation from a wider perspective.
I want to see you succeed and remain in ministry for many years to come. So, when you’re going through something like this remember what James said, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
My prayer is that you learn to persevere through every trial and that your walk with God is strengthened! If you’d like to talk with me about something you’re facing I’d love to help you. Send me an email at chris@thebasicsite.org.